but the flesh is always weak
by gravitybarnes
Summary: Or, the one where Caroline plays matchmaker and it sort of bites her in the ass.


Caroline wobbles on the tips of her toes, nose high up in the air—eyes wide, imploring, over Giraffe-tall-guy's left shoulder but it's useless. She can't see anything.  
He heaves whisky tinted breaths all over her body(face? top of her head? who can be sure?) then. Like this is going somewhere. Like her repeated No's to all his dance requests were resounding Yes's. She recoils immediately, feet once again solid on the fuzzy carpet.

"Ugh. D'you mind?"

Giraffe-tall-guy blinks (he maybe minds), Caroline blinks back.

Eventually she rolls her eyes, lifts him up with her empty hand and deposits him seven inches to the left of her body.

"Much better." She mutters, ignoring Giraffe-tall-guy's look of disbelief as she settles back against the vomit colored wall behind her—a bottle of Jack cradled against her chest.

With the view officially uninhibited, she tilts her head—almost sure at this angle that Elena's attempt to swallow Bonnie's face whole is.. a go.  
Caroline squints, her sweaty right hand tightening around the bottle. Tightening in happiness because she's.. happy—about this, them, whatever. It was her idea anyway and all her matchmaking ideas turn out happy so she's... happy for them... really.

"Woah..." Ridiculously loud music blasts— some new agey dance song —all around her but Giraffe-tall-guy's voice might as well be blaring out of a megaphone, for how clearly she can hear it. She can even guess who the Woah is for. She glances over at him anyway. Sure enough, his eyes— along with half the room's eyes —are trained on none other than Bonnie and Elena.

Caroline sighs, squinting back over at them "Yeah. I know."

She squeezes the bottle so tight it breaks apart in her hand—after she spots some definitive groping fifteen minutes in.

"Woah..." He repeats.

Caroline glares at a cut opening deep and wide on her palm, mumbles "_Yeah_. I know."

* * *

"..okay?"

Caroline tears her eyes away from the thumb rubbing soothing circles into Bonnie's shoulder. "Hmm?"

Bonnie smirks, shares a private look with Elena then comes back to Earth "Aa-re y-ou o-k-aay?"

Caroline shrugs, smiles, flips her blonde hair over her shoulder "Yeah. I'm good."

"You sure?" Elena asks, a deep crease appearing on her forehead "Cuz you seem a little, out of it, today."

Caroline opens her mouth to reply but Elena's eyes are already boring holes into Bonnie's. She breathes in and out to the count of ten then mentally repeats her new its-only-been-a-week-relax-Caroline mantra until her shoulders loosen "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Hmm?" Bonnie murmurs belatedly, snapping her gaze back over to Caroline.

Caroline shakes her head, laughs. BonnieandElena— forever oblivious —laugh along with her.

"What's so funny?" Jeremy asks once he reaches their outside table, pen and pad in hand.

Caroline smiles sweetly "Nothing."

He smiles hesitantly back and she closes her menu "I'll have my usual."

Jeremy nods, grimacing over at the two whispering deviants across the table.

"And we'll have a.. number seven-"

Elena whisper-laughs into Bonnie's shoulder then looks up "With _no_ onions,"

"_No_ onions." Bonnie reiterates and Jeremy rolls his eyes, collects their menus and disappears back inside the Mystic Grill.

Caroline twiddles her thumbs for the appropriate amount of time then feigns a stomach ache and spends twenty minutes in the bathroom simultaneously staring at her reflection and hyperventilating.

* * *

"Jesus," Tyler groans, his left arm searing into her right "Can't believe I'm gonna say this but - do they ever _stop_?"

Elena's more than halfway across the backyard, tongue firmly jammed down Bonnie's throat, but she still manages to flip Tyler off without pulling away from Bonnie.

"Leave them alone," Caroline bumps his shoulder with her own "They're in their honeymoon phase."

Tyler takes a long swallow of his beer, bumps her back "I mean, the first week - it was hot. The second week it was... excessive but still kinda hot, and now it's-" Tyler breathes in.

"Adorable?" Caroline supplies.

"Irritating."

Elena pulls away from Bonnie and with the help of her vampire speed is face to face with Tyler in seconds "Don't rain on our parade, just cuz you haven't got laid." She says with a slow smile— her voice so gruff it sends an uncomfortable pang shooting through Caroline's stomach —before promptly snatching Tyler's beer from his slack hand and disappearing in a flash, inside the house. She comes back out a few seconds later to drag Bonnie inside with her whilst Tyler scoffs at the both of them.

Caroline shrug-slumps, Tyler's mouth closes "She kinda has point though."

He turns to fully face her, eyebrows up, arms folded over his chest "You offering Forbes?"

Caroline hums, shakes her head "Been there, done that - Lockwood."

Tyler puts a hand over his heart, a faux expression of pain on his face "Ouch."

Caroline knows she's officially matured now because when he abandons her for some redhead, a few minutes later, she's not the least bit jealous.

* * *

"Wait - you had a fight about _what_?" Caroline croaks, her cellphone pressing haphazardly against her ear.

"Our Anniversary. Elena goes from February 2nd because _she_ counts four months in but I go from January 11th because _I_ count four _and a_ half months in."

"Umm.. okay?"

"How could she go from February 2nd Care when she _knows_ we've been together longer than that? It just doesn't make any sense to me."

Caroline yawns, rubs a hand over her eyes "Bonnie, I love you, I _really_ do but. I've got a huge test tomor-_today_ in like four hours and I reallyreally need to sleep."

"Care I-"

Caroline yawns, waiting for the crackling sounds to stop. "Bonnie?.. Bonnie? Are you still there?"

She distantly hears muffled giggling then Bonnie comes back to the phone "Hey Care, I gotta go. Thanks for listening to me whine."

Bonnie hangs up before Caroline can get a word in. Caroline carefully does not, throw her phone against a wall.

* * *

"Fuuuck her - y'know?" Bonnie slurs, slouching in her bar stool "I gve her verythng - she gves me nothng."

Caroline nods sympathetically, completely sober, waving off a short baldheaded man who'd asked her repeatedly if she wanted a drink. Babysitting is what's happening here. She's a glorified babysitter. Bonnie grabs a sudden hold of Caroline's shirt simultaneously yanking her forward and out of her thoughts.

"I ned ta peee." She whispers in her ear, lets her go, laughing as Caroline attempts to regain her equilibrium.

"Ye-p. It's about that time."

Bonnie frowns "Whuh time?"

"Time to go-" Bonnie murmur-screams several variations of No "-but first we need to get you to the bathroom."

Caroline maneuvers a resistant Bonnie into the bathroom (Bonnie announcing the need to pee to the entire bar, all the while) and sets her purse on the edge of the sink, examining her own appearance.

Bonnie shuffles out of one of the glittering bathroom stalls sometime afterward, jeans unzipped and sagging.

"Jesus Christ." Caroline sighs, turning away from the mirror. "C'mere."

Bonnie sniffs, folding her arms defiantly over her chest— glori_fied_ babysitter —and stays rooted to her spot. Caroline rolls her eyes, huffs out an exasperated breath and walks over to her.

"I-" She tugs on Bonnie's jeans, Bonnie's arms fall back down to her sides "-do _not_-" Caroline lifts them higher up "-get paid enough for this." She blows a stray hair out of her face "Oh wait! I don't get paid at all!" She says, zips Bonnie's jeans, buttons them up and relaxes with a breathy sigh. Bonnie stares blankly at her.

"_What?_"

Bonnie shrugs, tilts her head to the side, places a hot hand over Caroline's heart and pushes. Pushes until Caroline's backside is pressed against the sink.

"What are you-" Her hand slides over and up the left side of her collarbone, rises to the back of her neck, tugging Caroline forward.

"Ddn't really hve ta peee." Bonnie frowns, considering it "Bbut I dd et fur you." Bonnie's mouth tilts halfway up into a smile "Tmi." And then without preamble Bonnie's kissing her, _hard_.

Caroline makes a strangled keening sound in the back of her throat (maybe not a babysitter then) mouth panting open.

Bonnie abruptly releases her, stumbling back a step, eyes wide. "Care..." Caroline covers her mouth with her hand, lips burning "...S'not.. Elena.. pla-" Bonnie shakes her head, her body nearly angled towards the door before Caroline stops her, a hand squeezing her side.

"Don't.." Caroline lets the hand covering her mouth fall away "Don't go." She finishes, tugging Bonnie forward and sealing their mouths together.

Bonnie relaxes almost immediately, hands clinging to Caroline's skin. And Caroline's boneless suddenly, with the want, the need for whatever this is. This.. feeling. Bonnie tries to pull away again slurring something incoherent but Caroline chases after her mouth with her own, murmuring "Stay, please." until she finally does.

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Caroline flinches "_What?_"

Elena chuckles, scribbling some equation down in her notebook "I asked if you were okay."

Caroline shoots a panicked glance over at Elena "Of course I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be okay? Maybe _you're_ the one who's not okay and you're-"

The librarian places a stern finger to her lips and Elena looks up at Caroline, eyes wide "Woah - _relax_ Care, it was just a question."

"I am relaxed." Caroline mumbles, fidgeting.

"No you're not. You're all fidgety."

"No. I'm not." Caroline says, continuing to fidget.

Elena stills her, with one hand on her knee under the table "Seriously, what is it? You only get this jumpy over, unnecessary drama so.. tell me what's going on."

Caroline slowly exhales. "I can't.. I'm sorry."

"Care-"

"I-I actually.. Um. have a place.. I need to be right now so.. I'm just gonna-" Caroline jabs a thumb over her shoulder, stands, her chair scraping against the floor. Chucks stray books into her bag then bolts out of the library.

* * *

"Hey, I need to talk to-" Caroline glances at the opened wine bottles surrounding Elena on the couch "-you."

Elena blinks up at her, smiles big, bright enough to light the city maybe "Caroline!"

Caroline drops her purse on the floor, moves aside a few empty wine bottles and sinks beside her on the couch "Havin' a party?"

Elena laughs into Caroline's shoulder at that—Caroline tenses "A pity party for one." Elena mumbles, fumbling with the only loose string on Caroline's jean jacket.

"A pity party huh?" Caroline murmurs weakly.

Elena nods, scooting impossibly closer, lifts her head to whisper "Bonnie left me." in Caroline's ear.

Caroline turns her head to look over at Elena, practically going cross-eyed with how close she is before turning away "_Left_ you? What d'you mean left you?"

Caroline can feel Elena's laugh rumble against her body "What d'you mean what do I mean? _Left_. As in 'Elvis has left the building.' " Elena breathes in "She's on some road trip with her mother or something, I don't know. She'll be back on Tuesday, I think. M'surprised she hasn't texted you about it already."

"Mmm." Caroline says, articulately.

Elena drops a hand on her knee, stilling her jiggling leg "Pity party for two then."

Elena's thumb rubs a soothing circle over Caroline's knee when she doesn't respond. Caroline swallows, mentally calculating her odds of surviving a physical fight with a vampire younger than her but angrier than her.

"Bottom's up." Elena murmurs, the only warning she gets before Elena's tipping an entire bottle of wine down her throat.

Caroline sputters, wine spilling down her chin then coughs, snatching the bottle from Elena's hands and setting it down on her left side. Before she can gain her bearings Elena's licking up a trail of spilled wine from her throat to her lips, flicking her tongue over her lower lip when she reaches it and biting down, _hard_. She barely gets a chance to breathe before Elena's straddling her thighs, exhaling heavy-insistent puffs of air into her face. Caroline's previous calculations fly straight out of her head.

"Oh.. shi-" Caroline breathes out the second before Elena kisses her.

All teeth and tongue and no finesse. And Caroline's not boneless with want like with Bonnie but she's aching for it anyway, the feeling, hands slipping underneath Elena's shirt to scratch, to hold on. Elena doesn't pull away once and Caroline's absurdly grateful.

* * *

"Woah, radical." Giraffe-tall-guy (Graham) frowns after a bit "Wait - why're you telling me this again?"

Caroline sighs heavily "Because Graham - It's not like I can tell any of my actual friends about it." Caroline briefly laughs, without feeling "I can just imagine how _that_ conversation would go-" Caroline downs a shot, winces " 'Oh hey guys, I may have accidentally? started sleeping with both my best friends, behind both their backs - isn't that just.. hilarious?' " Caroline downs another shot, winces again " 'Oh yeah Care, that is sooo funny!' " Caroline downs another shot, points an accusing finger somewhere to the left of Graham's nose "I'm going to hell, I'm _so_ going to hell. All because I wanted my stupidlyinloveconstantlyignoringme friends back. Does that seem fair to you?"

Graham scratches contemplatively at his beard, shrugs "Yeah.. sorta."

Caroline rolls her eyes then stares him down "Forget this conversation and go home." Graham attempts to stand, falls out of his bar stool instead. Gets back up, disappearing into the crowd.

Caroline stumbles home half an hour later and is greeted at the door by her least— most —favorite people. "Awwesome." Caroline slurmurmurs— waiting for the floor to swallow her whole whilst Bonnie and Elena stare at her —before promptly passing out.

* * *

"Do you forgive us yet?" Bonnie huffs out, her breath tickling Caroline's skin.

"Ugh _No_. You guys are still evil." Caroline replies, crushed between two sweaty—distinctly nude bodies. Elena bites Caroline's shoulder in response, Bonnie chuckles delightedly.

"I'm serious. Tricking your friends is like breaking rule number 5 in the best friend handbook. I'll probably never forgive you."

"Trick is such a strong word," Elena mumbles, Bonnie murmurs her agreement.

"Okay, what would _you guys'_ definition of 'deceiving-"

"Deceiving is an even stronger word.." Elena states emphatically into the pillow.

"-your best friend into having a sexual relationship with you' be called then?"

"Ughhh... seducing?"

"Seducing. I like that - it's sexy." Bonnie replies, her chin digging into Caroline's lower back as she raises her head. "Ooooh or wooing, wooing sounds more romantic."

"I _wish_ I was wooed. That would've been waay better on my conscience."

"If we'd started with a woo, it would've freaked you out Care. It was way better to do it the way we did - that way you couldn't as easily deny your attraction to us like you might've with a woo."

"Okay Professor Bennett - so you're basically confirming that 'trick' is the only way to describe what you guys did then... Great."

"A trick built out of love." Elena purrs.

"A love trick," Bonnie declares, laying her head down again, ear pressed into Caroline's skin "Because we love you so much."

Caroline smiles, a real smile this time—then abruptly groans "Oh God. How the hell am I gonna explain this to my mom?!"

Elena shrugs against her "Just say - Mom I'm currently dating two amazing chicks who are.. also dating."

"NO, say you've got two girlfriends." says Bonnie.

Caroline moans. "What's the difference?"

"Oooh or say, you're in a polyamorous relationship... Yeah - say that." Bonnie murmurs.

Caroline's eyes drift half closed "Poly what?"

Elena chuckles and Bonnie pats Caroline's ass comfortingly "We'll work on it."

_** FIN**_


End file.
